Chapter 16: Peace of Mind

Dear Journal:

It's been a long time since I've been to the Graveyard. As in, way too long.

A while back, I remembered talking shit about the place. Now, I don't remember why I did.

Oh, right...Full of dead people.

But now it doesn't seem so...spooky bad. Now it feels more like a necessary evil to me. All the dead people need to rest somewhere.

That way, if you need to talk to a dead relative, you know for sure where they are. I needed to know that, at least.

Having been away from this place for so long, I had to remember where he ended up. I had a feeling he was somewhere way in the back.

Lo and behold, I was right.

It's felt like a million years since I last saw him. And in a way, it has been. 

From the way he was just floating there, I'd have assumed he was waiting for me to come and visit him. 

But now that I saw him for the first time in practically forever, what could I say to him? 

Wherever he ended up, I had a feeling he'd have to go back. So whatever it was I had to say to him, it was best to tell him now. I may not get another chance. 

First I stated the obvious. Long time no see, have you lost weight, blah blah blah, all that small talk and shit. 

Then I remembered what it was I wanted to tell him: I know our relationship wasn't great when he was alive. But that didn't mean I wanted him to die a painful, barbecuey death. 

Since he was gone for so long, I told him Miraj was growing up. It'll be his birthday again soon. But I reminded him that it wouldn't be the same without him there for his favorite son's passage into adulthood. 

When I gave him a chance to talk...well, I didn't expect what he told me:

"You really think I played favorites with my boys?" He went on to say that he didn't have a favorite son, he loved them both equally. 

The only reason he was so hard on me was because I had been turning into a screw-up. He didn't want either of his kids turning into criminals. 

And he said Miraj had his fair share of punishments, or so he claimed. Whether I believe him or not, I'm still not too sure. 

"But Iqbal," I stopped him from saying anything else, "I think now I sort of know how it feels to be in your shoes." 

When he died, Miraj only had me left to rely on. I may have been Miraj's older brother, but in some way, I guess I became his dad as well. 

That's not to say I replaced Iqbal as the remaining parent in Miraj's life. I was just saying I knew how it felt to have to be a single parent like he was. 

Finally, I apologized for being such a screw-up. I made sure to tell him I managed to find a legit thing to do in my life. And I said my farewell to him when he said he had to go soon: 

"Goodbye, Iqbal. No...Goodbye, Dad." Hearing me call him Dad put a smile on his face. 

Then, he was gone. 

I had a feeling I would probably never see him again. At least, not in this lifetime. 

But on the other hand, I can finally feel at peace. There was so much unsaid when he died, and now I can let it all go. 

I can finally officially move on with my life. 

Now I gotta get a birthday cake for Miraj. 

(End of Chapter 16.)